Tackling Understanding Gaps in people

We are all like individual trees, but we are linked by a common purpose

The generation gap is a much-debated concept, especially among those who are counsellors and educators. However, we have probably never seen gaps in understanding taking place so strongly amongst peers! Sibling rivalry has become a major concern today, perhaps even replacing the generation gap. Misunderstandings no longer happen between people who are generations apart, but rather it takes place between siblings who are merely a few years apart. An age difference of even a couple of years is all it needs to create identity clashes. Even twins who are born a few minutes apart never see eye to eye with each other! I am not limiting my observations to siblings but rather include peers - children and students who go to the same school or live in the same society or even community. An interesting story was told to me by my colleague who travels by school bus. She recounted an interesting incident that caught my attention. She narrated how her school bus picked regularly picked her up, followed by, at a little distance, two students of grade seven and thereafter a grade 12 student. One particular day, the bus driver waited for longer than before for the grade 12 student to board the bus. The two grade seven boys asked the others why the driver had stopped the bus. One of the other students stated that they were waiting for a grade 12 student. One of the grade seven boys then remarked, 'But then, I can't see anyone here.' He went on to state, 'Anyway, the bus never stops for us, so why had the driver stopped the bus for her (meaning the grade 12 student). After some time a car arrived depositing the grade 12 student who started walking towards the bus. At this point, one of the grade seven students exclaimed, 'See how slowly she is walking towards the bus. Let us clap for her ', and then they clapped rather loudly. Fortunately, the two grade seven boys had the decency to stop clapping before the grade 12 student boarded the bus.

Whenever I visit a class below the ones I teach, I come across the younger siblings of students I teach in grade twelve and it is with great surprise that I notice how differently they think compared to their elder brothers and sisters. Often, they refer to their elder brothers and sisters with a sort of deferment, somewhat disparagingly. The respect that younger siblings had for their elders seems to be missing, rather as if the little ones have suddenly realised that their elder siblings are merely human! Most of the siblings I met were somewhat ready to make fun of their elders, not that I was ready to continue listening to them!

When I discussed this observation with my students, they agreed that this was something they had themselves noticed younger students making fun of their hairstyle or even dress sense, rather too openly! It is quite apparent that the dissemination of information, thanks to the internet, and access to social media sites is probably speeding up gaps in understanding between people who are not decades apart in age, but rather a couple of years apart. The breaking up of the joint family system, the emergence of nuclear families, and even the advent of the single-parent system are all to blame for gaps in understanding between siblings and even children studying in the same school.

It is quite evident that today we are drifting apart from what used to be a Global Village into what might be termed as Silos. The Ghetoisation of the world into different camps of religion, race, language, philosophy and ethnicity is driven by an increasing sense of exclusion, identity crisis and polarization. We are today, becoming more and more aware of our individual identities as members of a particular religion, community and even age. So, if we come across someone who is elder than us, or even younger than us, we tend to view them as being different or apart from us. Understanding gaps exist between married partners who don't see eye to eye, probably because of age gaps, or even cultural differences. These differences, which might be hidden in the initial years will soon become evident within a few years of marriage. There is competition in marriage, there is competition amongst siblings, and there is competition between lovers! What is even scarier is that the technology that we use today is a double edged sword. While on the one hand it makes hard work easier to perform, it is however placing excessive demands on us individuals in terms of physical and mental output. This demand for an almost mechanical perfection is forcing human beings to compete with each other. This competition is unhealthy in nature and it is at the root of misunderstanding, intolerance and the polarisation that we see in the world today. 

Technology and the internet might have brought us closer in the virtual sense, but then they have also driven us apart emotionally and socially. What then is the solution to this emerging trend? Interestingly, the book of Timothy (in the Bible) states, 'People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without self-control, brutal not lovers of good...conceited'-Timothy 3 1-4. The book of Philippians states, 'Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his interests but also to the interests of others.'-Phillipians 2:3-4 The book of Peter 1 states, 'Honour everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honour the Emperor.' - 1 Peter 2:17 The book of Titus states, ' Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity'- Titus 2:7.

The quoted verses from the Holy writ suggest the importance of creating a culture of respect, inculcating self-control, abandoning rivalry, and pride and promoting the spirit of brotherhood. The internet has promoted a culture of rivalry, competition and the pride of 'knowing it all. Perhaps, schools today need to include a curriculum that promotes not only 21st-century skills but also the culture of collaboration, respect for others and ethics. Parents and schools need to nurture important values in their children and students. Unfortunately, we have in our quest for excellence, forgotten the common etiquette that makes social interactions more fluid. The qualities of humbleness, modesty and patience have been discarded for the qualities of boastfulness and impatience. What we don't understand is that life is much more than appearing for a group interview where the person who is most vocal is selected for the next round of assessments for a job. Life is much more than a rat race, and we need to appreciate its more subtle nuances, inspiring moments, epiphanies, fragrances, sights and moments of joy. We can only appreciate each other if we are able to appreciate the spiritual aspects of life.

Gaps in understanding and the resulting deterioration in levels of tolerance for others have become more and more evident especially as highlighted by social media. Cases of road rage mob lynching, use of excessive force by enforcement officers, and instances of domestic abuse, gaslighting and bullying, are all fuelled by gaps in understanding and the resulting intolerance that we have for each other.  These gaps however are not limited and defined by differences in race, language, culture and Geography. A matter of great concern is that even those who share the same language, culture and Geography are becoming more and more intolerant towards each other because of differences in age, not in terms of decades, but rather, in terms of even a couple of years. The reason why we have age-related differences is mainly because of the speed with which technology is growing. Every year is miles apart from its preceding year so a person who was born the previous year will have been born into a year that is completely different from the following year.  An Ambassador car stayed with the family for ages but now you change a car within four or five years. The Nokia phone you once bought for its durability will be discarded in a year or two. We have become victims of a culture based on absolute redundancies, one based on artificial need, comparison and competition. In a world driven by technology and its inexorable hunger for evolution, we humans are merely the cogs or the fuel that feeds this evolution. Moore’s Law states that the number of transistors on an integrated board will double every two years (approximately 18 months). This in itself points towards the doubling of processing power, doubling of memory space, and of course computing power. Today's computing power, however, is doubling every six months and the technology has started becoming obsolete, not in 24 months, but rather in 6 months. 

Does this mean that the culture of redundancies and the culture of technological evolution will soon overtake human beings? Does it mean that soon we human beings too will be subject to the laws of redundancy and antiquation? Is that why today we are not ready to respect those who are elder to us? Do we believe that those who are even a couple of years OLDER than us are now obsolete, anachronistic and thus to be discarded? Are we becoming enmeshed in a culture of  'single-use, use and throw' or even a culture of recycling? If this is what we are headed to, then no wonder, we are facing a severe crisis based on chaos, survival something similar to the raw struggle for survival such as seen in prehistoric times when human beings lived in caves. This means that the core values of the civilisation of the past have just been an eye-wash and that ultimately what matters today is not respect, honesty and sincerity but rather brute strength, cunningness, selfishness and manipulativeness. 

Understanding gaps are driven by the need to succeed, the need to excel and the need to survive. It is all down to Darwin's, Survival of the Fittest! Researchers thought that Moore’s Law might work only till 2015-2020 when the doubling of the number of transistors would slow down to once in three years but this doesn't seem to have happened. To keep up with Moore’s Law, engineers have had to keep shrinking the size of the transistor and a time could come when it would no longer be physically possible to continue doing so! Faced with physical constraints, engineers did manage to introduce tri-gate transistors. It seems, therefore that engineers seem to have reached the limits of Moore’s Laws due to physical limitations and the lack of predictability with regard to determining the exact position of the electron. Quantum Physics stresses this lack of determinism at the sub-atomic level. The limits of Silicon will soon be reached forcing scientists to find alternative materials which will allow smaller transistors, gates and switches to be in place. We are today facing the same crisis that valves, transistors and integrated chips faced in their times.

The advent of AI, Deep Learning, Machine Learning and Data Sciences have had their impact on human beings and their ability to bond emotionally and thus enjoy each other's company. In a world where electronic devices predict your thoughts and even what you mean before you even type stuff where is the room for understanding genuine feelings and emotions. Technology has bridged distances, but has it really brought us closer? Are we, today as emotionally connected as we were twenty, thirty, or even forty years ago? Understanding gaps are driven by this lack of being able to connect to each other in a world where we have begun to allow machines to think for us. We are entering an era of quantum computing. The quantum world is based on randomness, chaos and unpredictability. We are here to learn to live in a world where there are mind-boggling options of possibilities, permutations and combinations. We need to understand that now we need to adapt to branched thinking rather than linear thinking. The problem before us today is not gaps in understanding in people belonging to different generations but rather people who are even a couple of years apart in birth. The quantum world is finally with us and we can only hope to keep up with the advancements taking place in the quantum world. It looks, however as if the human brain cannot keep up with all that advancement and this is why, as we get older, we are not able to adjust to the latest developments in the world of technology. Technology is driving our thought processes and until we have a higher form of AI, I doubt if technology will be able to cater to the emotive aspect of humanity.

There is much to be learned from these birds.

So then, how do we bridge this ever-widening gap between people who belong to different age groups? Not much can be said, especially in times when we are more connected to our devices than to each other. Pablo Neruda would advocate the need to meditate and introspect, the need to take pauses or breaks from our hectic lives. The best solution probably would be to disconnect ourselves from our devices and the internet and then take a vacation with the family to a place where you don't have to keep checking your phone for messages. Taking up hobbies that help you connect with other like-minded people would be a good idea. Or for that effect take up wildlife photography, visit wetlands, mountains, forests or even national parks. Connect with nature! Nature is the perfect antidote for the stress that is caused by the fear of missing out or FOMO, the obsessive need to check the phone for updates on how well your reel or photograph is doing on the internet!

We are, today a more restless and less understanding species because technology is evolving faster than us and we in our fear of being termed obsolete, outdated and eccentric are probably focusing more on being efficient like machines than on building emotional bridges between others. This obsession for machine-like efficiency, this hunger for success is what is robbing us of our emotions, feelings of empathy, respect and ultimately empathy for others. Homes, schools and colleges need to address this restlessness by at least reducing screen time. We need to introduce and enhance Social Emotional Learning modules and introduce or increase the number of co-curricular activities in schools and colleges. We need to encourage students to join hobby clubs in schools and colleges, and, perhaps even visit the beaches or go skiing on ski slopes. We need to promote team-building activities in schools and colleges. It would be great if we could have circle times, group meditation activities and so on. More and more institutions should offer paid family breaks or vacations so that employees can spend quality time with their families. Some good schools host family events in schools such as family days. It is a good idea to take your children to the school where you teach or take your family to the office where you work. It will help them connect to their parents better, and in the same way it would be good if parents could visit their children's schools or colleges to get to meet their teachers and friends.

The idea of individuality, authenticity and originalitiy is good in times when we are striving for success and perfection in a world that is far from perfect. However we need to steer clear from the dangers of polarisation that is being experienced today. The drive for individuality, perfection and authenticity should not be at the cost of equity, brotherhood, fraternity and inclusion. The ultimate purpose of all human beings is to behave as human beings. Humanity is our purpose and to replace it with a mechanistic culture would be a travesty that can not be surmounted. To learn to respect each other's individuality and creativity, to be able to listen to another person's point of view and to be able to learn from others will help remove gaps in understanding in people, thus making our society a happier place to be in.